Shh... My Most Secret Thoughts

Ok, so this is day #3 and I haven't had anything to eat today :)   yay!! 
nor did i have anything to eat yesterday :) !!!!!   I have to admit, I am starving right now :(  haha 
and my boyfriend is coming over along with my brother
i promised them i'd make dinner and a chocolate cake  
Damn!  why'd i have to chose to starve now?  haha oh well, i'm strong i'll do it


Hope everyone else is doing well 

stay beautious and stay strong!! <3
Brandyy*

I hate myself!!!    I'm so fucking fat and disgusting!!!  what is wrong with me?  why do i have to be the way i am?  and how did i let myself get this way?     

My boyfriend is going to this party tonight and there are going to be these girls there... all much much skinnier than i am (all know ana and have known her for at least 4 years each... much longer than i have!)
He loves girls with small figures and I'm going crazy feeling this way, knowing he'll be there with those girls and not me
is it wrong for me to feel this way?  i'm so jealous of skinny girls
i want to be skinny, is that so much to ask.


NO!! you know what??  fuck this-   
I'll show everyone.  I'll weigh whatever i damn well please to weigh.

I am not eating til i'm ready screw what everyone else says to me!!!   my mom wouldn't even buy me a damn scale today...  
she knows i'm trying to lose weight... and for some stupid reason she's trying to prevent it.. i think she's jealous
i don't know!   how can i see my progress without a scale?   i guess i'll just have to get one myself and hide it underneath my bed or something

sorry if it seems i'm rambling on i'm just so AGHHH right now 

I better go before i kill anyone with this psychopathic nothingness i'm writing


still love you all- stay beautiful and stay strong

Brandyy*

Ok, so it's day 2 (basically day 1) 
I'm so ready this time..  i hope haha

I'm just drinking a glass of ice water with green tea 
I'm planning on having that for lunch and dinner also (yummy)
Oh, I also had two hydroxycuts- i'll be having those for lunch and dinner also

I hope they work; they should.  
They worked last time...

well, love to stay n write, but I have a biology lab to do 
and class is at 9.. 

So everyone, stay strong and stay beautiful

Brandyy*

Ok so today was supposed to be my first day of fasting- that all went to shit. I went out with my boyfriend and he wanted to go out to eat. I wish I could have said no but I try to see him whenever I can because we don't see eachother too much now that school has started. Anyways, we went to Friday's - I had 1 1/2 of his nachos, some salad, and some pasta with veggies. Oh, and what's worse, we went to starbucks afterwards- heaven!! haha i'm addicted to coffee!

But I just found out that caffine speeds up your metabolism- sweet! (thanks gemma:) Anyways- can I get any motivational advice from anyone who knows ana!! me and her aren't exactly on the same wavelength right now.

Love ya lots
Good luck everyone

BrandyY*